


Waiting on a distant feeling

by justhockey



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Jealous Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:13:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27254743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhockey/pseuds/justhockey
Summary: Eddie is kind of impulsive. He knows this isn’t exactly news, that he has a string of terrible decisions behind him that prove he doesn’t think ahead before he does something stupid. But he thinks that, arguably, this is at least in his top 3 worst decisions.OrFive times Eddie thought he was homophobic, and the one time he realised he was just jealous.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 785





	Waiting on a distant feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Where I Belong_ by Simple Plan ft. We The Kings.

**I**

It’s been one of those shifts. 

Not the particularly dangerous or traumatic ones, but the kind that have you wanting to pull your hair out because _god_ , some people are so stupid it actually kind of makes Eddie wonder how they’ve made it so far in life. 

He’s just glad that it’s over, glad that he gets to unwind with his friends and a few beers. 

He’s sitting in the booth with Buck pressed up against his side, laughing at something stupid that Albert said, when Maddie arrives. She’s five months pregnant now, so definitely not drinking, but she’s as much a part of their family now as anyone. 

“Hey guys,” she says, giving Chim a brief kiss.

“Hey Mads,” Buck greets her, smiling brightly. 

“You all know Josh, right?” Maddie says. 

Eddie’s met him once before, maybe twice, and he knows that he’s a good friend to Maddie. So he waves and smiles, and doesn’t really take any more notice of him as he sits down on the other side of Buck. Eddie’s not exactly a ‘the more the merrier’ type, but it’s whatever. It’s not like he minds. 

Except for how he _definitely_ minds. 

Not at first. At first Josh is nice enough, even kind of funny if you like that type of humour. But he’s just too _familiar_ with Buck. And Eddie knows that they’re sort of friends, that sometimes Josh will hang out with Buck and Maddie and Chim, but still. 

He’s never been the kind of person who has a problem with his friends having other friends - he’s a grown man, not a fifth grader. There’s just something about Josh that grates him the wrong way. He can’t stand the way he talks, the way he jokes with Buck like they’ve known each other forever. 

And god, the way he rests his hand on Buck’s arm every time he laughs, like he’s staking a claim or something. It’s just way too much, too out there, and Eddie is really starting to hate it. 

When Buck goes to the restroom Josh slides closer to Eddie. 

“Nice to properly meet you,” Josh says. 

He’s smiling and his face is open and friendly, so like, Eddie isn’t going to be rude to him. 

“Yeah man, you too,” he replies. 

He doesn’t mean it, but whatever. Eddie knows how to hold a civil conversation, even when it’s with someone he doesn’t like. And he _really_ doesn’t like Josh. 

He thinks that’s going to be the end of their little exchange, but Josh just carries on talking. And like, okay. He is a little funny, now that Eddie is paying attention, and maybe he isn’t really that bad of a guy after all. He even finds himself cracking a smile at some of the things he says, figures he just judged him too harshly and too quickly. 

Until Buck comes back, and he sits down in the middle of them. And then Josh is suddenly borderline flirting with Buck again, back to his obnoxious humour and exaggerated laugh, and Eddie is back to hating the guy. 

He’s not really listening at this point, too tired to engage much with conversation and honestly, he just wants to go home and check on Christopher. But then he hears Josh say something - something about a guy and a date, and his stomach twists uncomfortably. 

Because what if that’s his problem? It’s not. Eddie isn’t like that. But also. What if it is? What if his problem with Josh is because he’s gay?

**II**

They’re just packing away, winding the hose back in and making sure all the equipment is back in the truck before they can leave the scene. The fire was only small, and like, really fucking stupid in Eddie’s opinion. Some guy had lit candles way too close to his curtains and they’d caught on fire, which had set the bed on fire in turn. 

Thankfully it was pretty contained, a quick in and out job with minimal paperwork for them to do. The guy is sufficiently embarrassed too, apologising profusely for taking up their time for something so dumb. Eddie kinda feels for the guy really - it was a rookie mistake, yeah, but it was an accident, and his face is still flaming red from humiliation rather than the heat of the blaze. 

Buck is just laughing softly, repeatedly reassuring the guy that it’s not a problem, it’s literally their job, it’s not a waste of time. He’s way better at this side of the job than Eddie is; he’s patient and friendly even to the most idiotic of people, whereas Eddie often finds himself getting - not _angry_ exactly, but just, continuously frustrated by some of the ridiculous situations people manage to get themselves in. 

It’s not really a surprise, though, that Buck is better at this aspect of the job. Buck is just an all round better guy than Eddie is. He’s more understanding and patient, kinder, almost too forgiving - just, too sweet for his own good, really. 

Which is why Eddie’s hackles immediately rise when he hears what comes out of the guys mouth next. 

“Thank you _so much_ for your help, firefighter Buckley,” he says, resting a hand on Buck’s bicep as if it belongs there. 

Buck chuckles. “Yeah, no problem. It’s what we’re here for, y’know.”

“Maybe I could repay you, somehow?” He offers. 

Eddie stills as he’s closing the hatch on the side of the truck. He’s gripping the handle way too tightly, and he knows the eavesdropping isn’t exactly subtle with the way he’s just kind of frozen, mid-movement. He needs to listen properly though, to make sure he’s not hearing things wrong. 

Buck laughs again, clearly feeling awkward by now. 

“Oh that’s alright,” Buck says. “It’s what you pay taxes for.”

The guy tilts his head back and laughs even though it really wasn’t that funny. Eddie knows all these moves, the wide eyes, the coy smile, the hand on his arm, and he knows exactly what the guy is hinting at. 

He slams the hatch shut and the guy flinches, his hand falling away from Buck’s arm in surprise. Good. Eddie hates it, can’t stand how this guy thinks it’s appropriate to hit on the firefighter who just saved his house from burning down. 

“So what do you say?” He asks, recovering quickly and fluttering his eyelashes at Buck. 

God, it knocks Eddie sick. It’s inappropriate and just, like, disgustingly obvious what he’s doing. Eddie is about a half a second away from intervening when Buck takes a step away from the guy, closer to where Eddie himself is standing. 

“I appreciate the offer, but I can’t. I’m sorry,” Buck says, like the perfect gentleman that he is. 

The guy smiles and shrugs. “Worth a try, thanks for all your help,” he says, then turns to go back inside his singed house. 

It’s still bothering Eddie when they eventually arrive back at the firehouse. So when they’re climbing out the truck he stops Buck - a hand on his bicep like the guy from earlier. Buck halts his step and turns to Eddie, an eyebrow quirked in question and a smile curling at the corners of his mouth. 

“Are you good?” Eddie asks. 

Buck frowns, confused. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Just that guy from the fire harassing you, wanted to check,” Eddie clarifies. 

Buck laughs and shakes his head, claps Eddie on the shoulder and shakes him a little. 

“He wasn’t _harassing_ me man, he was just flirting.”

Which. Eddie doesn’t honestly see the difference in this situation, really. 

“I mean, yeah but, it wasn’t really appropriate you know? Hitting on you when you just saved his ass,” Eddie explains. 

Buck laughs again. He starts walking away and Eddie follows him because that’s just what they do. 

“Eddie man, that’s _why_ he was hitting on me,” Buck says as if it’s no big deal. “I really didn’t mind, it’s fine.”

So Eddie drops it because he doesn’t want to push the matter. He just figures if Buck isn’t gonna look out for himself, then Eddie will have to do it for him. Because if it was the other way around, if the guy had been flirting with him, Eddie knows he’d have felt uncomfortable. 

And like. It’s not because he’s a _guy_ or anything. _It’s not._ It’s just - whatever. Like Buck said, it’s fine.

**III**

They’re in the midst of a lull in the chaos of their shift. It’s 3am and they’re exhausted, aching from a rough call an hour back where half a roof had collapsed on top of them. Thankfully no one was actually hurt, just a couple scratches here and there, and they’re currently lounging around and trying to keep themselves awake. 

Hen is flipping through a magazine, Chim is reading a baby book, and Buck is sitting next to Eddie, his feet kicked up on the coffee table as he plays a game on his phone. It’s always the worst part of a night shift, in Eddie’s opinion. When the calls have dwindled and there’s nothing to keep them busy, everyone tends to crash. 

“Hey, Buck,” Hen says. 

Eddie startles when her voice breaks the silence because he’d been zoning out so hard, but Buck doesn’t even look away from the game on his phone. Eddie is pretty sure Buck is playing Among Us and like, of course he is. He’s an overgrown fifth grader, which is exactly why Christopher loves him more than life itself. 

Buck just makes a noncommittal sound in acknowledgement of Hen talking to him. She rolls her eyes fondly and Eddie can’t help but smile. 

“You wanna come to Pride with me and Karen next year?” Hen asks him. 

The question doesn’t really register in Eddie’s brain at first. Buck finally looks up from the game though, and he’s grinning so much that Eddie figures he should probably pay closer attention. 

“Wait for real?” Buck asks, and he sounds so excited. 

“Wait-“ Eddie says, because Hen’s question has finally registered and it just. Doesn’t make any sense. 

They all glance at Eddie, waiting for him to finish his sentence. 

“Why would Buck go to Pride with you?”

Everyone just kind of laughs at Eddie, which, rude. But also, he feels like he’s missing out on an inside joke, like they all know what’s funny except for him. That’s not something he’s used to feeling when it comes to Buck - they basically know everything about each other at this point, there are rarely ever any surprises anymore. 

Chim takes in the look on Eddie’s face and must recognise that he’s being serious, because he’s not laughing now, he’s just looking at Eddie in complete disbelief. 

“You’re not telling me you don’t know?” Chim says, incredulous. 

“Don’t know _what?_ ”

“That Buck is bi,” Hen answers for him. 

Okay, what? Buck isn’t - he’s not - since _when?_ Because Eddie and Buck have known each other for a good few years now, Buck is his best friend for god’s sake, why has Eddie never been told this? Was Buck keeping it from him?

He turns to look at Buck and he’s wearing a half-shocked, half-amused expression on his face. He just shrugs at Eddie. 

“I thought you knew man,” Buck says. Then, “Yeah sure, I’ll come with you guys.”

It feels like it’s not supposed to be a big deal, but it feels like a pretty huge deal to Eddie. Because Buck is - well, he’s family. He doesn’t understand how everyone but him knew this, especially when Buck is _his_ best friend. It might seem petty, but Eddie just doesn’t get why Buck didn’t tell him sooner. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie asks, sounding way angrier than he meant to. 

He ignores the looks he knows he’s getting from Hen and Chim, just keeps watching Buck, who’s now looking at him with a wounded expression on his face. And Eddie doesn’t want to like, upset him, or anything. But he does think he deserves an explanation. 

“Is there a problem?” Buck questions, sounding suddenly defensive. 

“I just don’t get why I’m the last person to find out about this?”

He vaguely recognises that Hen and Chim stand up and walk away, leaving them to their little dispute, and he’s glad. He thinks they probably need a bit of privacy for this kind of conversation. 

“I never _hid it_ Eddie,” Buck answers. 

He sits up properly and shifts further away from Eddie. He can’t explain why but that bothers him, makes him feel guilty almost instantly. 

“But you never told me?”

“I just thought you knew! Everyone else did, and like I said, it was never a secret. Maybe if you didn’t know, it’s because you didn’t _want_ to,” Buck suggests. 

Eddie very pointedly ignores that because, well. He doesn’t need to go there, doesn’t need to address this part of him that’s started to come to the surface, the part that appears to be way less tolerant than he’d always considered himself. It’s just. He can’t deal with that. 

It’s not that, anyway. It’s not like Eddie has a _problem_ with Buck being bi. He _doesn’t._ It just hurts that he didn’t know this about his best friend. It feels like the kind of thing your best friend should know about you, and he doesn’t get why Buck couldn’t have just told him instead of assuming he knew. 

“Don’t be stupid, man,” Eddie says, calmer now. “I just thought that was the kind of thing you would have told me.”

The anger is gone now, and he feels kind of ashamed of his reaction. Like, of course Buck would assume Eddie has a problem with it when he reacts with anger above anything else. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you like that,” he apologises. 

Because while Buck is better than Eddie at just about everything, it doesn’t mean that Eddie doesn’t know when he’s wrong. And when he’s wrong, he knows how to apologise, especially to the people who mean the most to him. 

“I’m sorry Eds,” Buck says. “I really thought you knew, I wasn’t trying to keep it from you or anything.”

The alarm sounds through the firehouse then, and Eddie and Buck both groan in unison. It makes them laugh though, and the tension that had been building between them falls away, making it easier for Eddie to breathe again. 

“We good?” Buck asks as they make their way to the truck. 

“Always, man,” Eddie says, smiling. 

And he means it. It’s just, he still feels _not good_ about the situation. But he refuses to examine that too closely, afraid of what it might mean about himself.

**IV**

Eddie is sitting on the couch in Buck’s apartment. Christopher is having a sleepover at his Abuela’s and, after a god-awful shift, he and Buck are just trying to unwind a little. Sometimes you need more than a shower to wash the stress of the day away, and there’s no better way for Eddie to do that than chilling with Buck. 

Buck is only gone for a moment, then he appears with two beers and hands one to Eddie. He sits down back on the couch, his knee knocking against Eddie’s as he gets comfortable. 

He seems a little weird, or, weirder than usual, at any rate. Quieter, more fidgety, just overall not very Buck-like. Eddie thinks Buck probably has something to tell him, with the way he keeps glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. He won’t push though, figures Buck is more likely to open up if Eddie gives him the space to do so. 

His patience pays off not fifteen minutes later, when Buck shifts in his seat so his knees are pointing in Eddie’s direction. Eddie looks at him and smiles. 

“You good?” He asks, trying to come off as chill even though his mind is racing with possibilities. 

Their relationship is easy, they don’t keep things from each other and they don’t find it difficult to talk to each other, so it’s weird that _Buck_ is being weird. 

He’s picking at the label on the beer bottle and not meeting Eddie’s eyes. 

“Yeah, I just. Can’t make it tomorrow,” Buck says. 

It’s not like they’ve made specific plans or anything, it’s just an informal, standing arrangement that Buck spends Friday evenings with Eddie and Christopher when they’re not working. It’s not like, a big deal that he can’t make it, which is why Eddie thinks there’s probably more to the story. 

“Okay?” Eddie says, sounding more like a question than a statement. 

“I kinda have a date,” Buck confesses. 

And that catches Eddie off guard a little. He hadn’t realised that Buck was getting back into the dating scene just yet, or that he was even interested in the prospect of a relationship. His initial reaction is hurt, but then. Eddie knows that Buck would never disappear on Christopher, so really, there’s no reason to be hurt. 

“Nice, man, where’d you meet her?” He asks, trying to seem as enthusiastic as possible. 

“Oh, uh. His name is Sam. I met him in a coffee shop,” Buck answers. 

Okay. Him. That’s like, a thing. But it’s whatever. Buck is bi and Eddie knows that now; he’s cool with it. And Buck can do whatever he wants, anyway. 

“That’s cool man,” Eddie tells him. 

It doesn’t mean he has to like it though. 

Only, if he doesn’t like it, then what does that say about him? He takes a sip of beer and they carry on watching the movie but Eddie can’t get it out of his head, can stop thinking that maybe. Maybe he _does_ have a problem with Buck being bi. And if he does, then he’s kind of an asshole.

**V**

Eddie is in the kitchen when the front door opens. 

“Bucky!” Christopher calls out when Buck walks through it. 

He rushes over and Buck, without even hesitating, picks Chris up in his arms and swings him round in a circle. They’re both laughing so loudly and it makes Eddie’s heart feel so full. He never thought he’d meet someone who could love Christopher anywhere near as much as he does, but Buck loves him like he’s his own son and Eddie feels eternally grateful for that, especially in moments like this when he’s reminded of how special their bond is. 

“Hey buddy, how you been?” Buck asks as he places Christopher back down on his feet. 

“I missed you on Friday,” Christopher says, pouting. 

“Chris,” Eddie warns. 

Because they’d already talked about this. Eddie had explained that Buck has other things to do and he can’t always hang out with them, no matter how much Christopher wants him to. That it doesn’t mean Buck loves them any less. 

“I missed you too, buddy,” Buck says. 

He sits down next to Chris and ruffles his hair, then smiles up at Eddie as he joins them in the living room. 

“How was your date?” Chris asks, and he’s grinning cheekily like he knows exactly what he’s done. 

Buck chokes, glances at Eddie who’s sitting with a guilty look on his face, and then bursts out laughing. He elbows Chris playfully and Chris shoves him back, laughing too. 

“How did _you_ know it was a date, mister?” Buck asks, poking Chris in the stomach. 

“Dad told me!” Chris answers, pointing at Eddie and giggling. 

Eddie holds his hands up in surrender. “Don’t pin this on me!”

Eddie hadn’t planned on telling Christopher, but then he’d been looking at him with tears in his eyes, asking why Buck had a new best friend. Eddie just couldn’t handle that, he’ll always be weak when it comes to his little boy. So he’d explained that Buck didn’t have a new best friend, he had a date. And then Chris hasn’t minded so much, so it was fine. It worked out okay. 

“When can I meet him?” Chris asks.

Buck laughs again and wraps his arm around his shoulder, but Eddie suddenly finds the whole situation a lot less funny than it was just a moment ago. 

“Why do you wanna meet him, buddy?” Buck asks the question Eddie was thinking. 

Christopher frowns, then sighs as if he’s just been asked the most ridiculous question imaginable. 

“I gotta know if he’s nice enough for you.”

Buck smiles then, leans down to press a kiss to the top of Christopher’s head. And it’s sweet, that his son is so thoughtful and cares about others so much. Eddie thinks that despite all the mistakes he’s made in life, at least he’s doing a good job of raising his son. But that doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t want Christopher to meet this _Sam._

“I think it’s a little early for that buddy,” Buck tells him, and Eddie feels relief flood through him. 

Christopher seems to think it’s an acceptable answer so he shrugs and starts playing on Buck’s phone - he doesn’t ask, but Buck would let the kids get away with just about anything so Eddie doesn’t bother reprimanding him. 

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “That’s not gonna happen.”

He doesn’t mean for it to sound as bad as it does, but then Buck is frowning at him, the skin between his eyebrows all wrinkled and his mouth set in a hard line. 

“Why?”

Buck asks like he hasn’t just said the exact same thing. Eddie doesn’t even mean anything by it, at least, nothing like Buck is clearly thinking about. 

“Like you said,” Eddie starts, “it’s too early. I don’t want someone coming into Christopher’s life who isn’t going to stick around.”

Buck nods and gives Eddie an apologetic smile, but it’s Eddie who should feel guilty. Because while it’s true, he _doesn’t_ want someone being introduced into Chris’ life if there’s a chance they won’t be sticking around, it’s not exactly the whole truth. 

It’s just, Eddie doesn’t want his son anywhere near this Sam guy. And like, Buck has already told him he’s a pharmacist, so he’s clearly respectable or whatever. But Eddie still doesn’t want Christopher near him, doesn’t want him to get to know this guy, hang out with him when Buck is babysitting. Something about it just rubs him the wrong way. 

And fuck. He knows what that sounds like, just how bad it makes him seem - he doesn’t want his son around a gay guy. But like, he doesn’t mean it that way. Or, he doesn’t _think_ he does, at least. 

An uneasy feeling settles over him as he watches Buck and Christopher playing a game together.

**+I**

It’s dumb, really, the thing that finally makes it all click into place. 

It’s just that, when Sam stops by the firehouse for the first time, with donuts for the team and a coffee for Buck, Eddie instantly hates him. Like, he’d quite happily punch him in the face, and for no reason that’s immediately apparent. 

Because he seems friendly when Buck introduces him to everyone - even though, like, they’re not really _dating,_ so surely it’s too soon? And then Eddie feels kind of sick, because he knows that trope, or stereotype, or whatever you wanna call it. The whole ‘gays move too fast’ thing. So he feels guilty, because he’s not _trying_ to be an ass. 

But then Sam hands Buck his coffee, and when Buck takes a sip his face immediately twists up. He tries not to make it obvious, because he’s Buck and he’s just like that, but Sam notices just a split second after Eddie does. 

“I got you a latte with two sugars, that’s what you drink, right?” He asks, frowning like he isn’t sure where he went wrong. 

Except, no. That’s not what Buck drinks, actually _Sam._ If it’s an early morning or a late shift Buck takes it black with one sugar, but if it’s during the day then it’s got a splash of creamer and no sugar. It’s not, like, a difficult order to remember. 

Eddie is pretty sure that if they’re at the meeting the family stage - which, let’s face it, the team _are_ Buck’s family - then really the guy should know a simple coffee order. It just. It rubs Eddie the wrong way, is all. 

But it’s not really a big deal in the grand scheme of like, the universe, or whatever. So he smiles at Sam, greets him with the usual platitudes, and tolerates the conversation for a few minutes longer. Just for Buck’s sake. 

Except the guy won’t stop _touching_ Buck, and it’s getting on Eddie’s last nerve. Eddie’s been _married_ and he didn’t touch his wife that much, even when their relationship was good, so what’s the deal? It’s like he’s trying to prove a point or something. 

It makes Eddie bite down so hard that his jaw starts to ache, so he excuses himself from the conversation - figures the best thing to do is remove himself from the situation before he starts something that he can’t take back. Because Buck obviously likes the guy - _why,_ Eddie has no idea - and he doesn’t want to do anything that might hurt Buck. 

“He seems nice,” Hen says. 

Eddie grunts as he goes to pour himself a coffee, deliberately ignoring the open box of donuts on the table. They don’t even look that good. 

“You don’t think so?” Chim asks Eddie. 

He takes a sip of coffee and then shrugs his shoulders. 

“Doesn’t he seem a little, I don’t know, _much?_ ” Eddie asks. 

He feels like he needs confirmation from someone else that he’s not over exaggerating the situation. He knows that, when it comes to Buck, he has a tendency to misread or misunderstand something. He also knows that Hen and Chim - despite their collective weirdness - are pretty levelheaded about most things. 

“In what way?” Hen asks. 

Eddie doesn’t like the look on her face, or the way she and Chim glance at each other like they think they’re being subtle. It sets him on edge, because if they disagree then it means that Eddie is the only one with a problem, and if he has a problem with it - well. 

“He’s just too, comfortable. I guess. I don’t know.” 

From where he’s standing he can see the front door, which means he can also see when Sam presses a kiss to Buck’s cheek as he’s leaving. Eddie feels a white hot rage spread through his bloodstream and he grips the mug so tightly it’s a miracle it doesn’t shatter in his hands. 

It’s just seeing that - seeing someone kiss Buck, someone who isn’t - 

_Someone who isn’t him._

Oh. 

_Oh, shit._

Where Eddie’s blood was boiling just a moment ago, it now feels like ice in his veins. As the realisation washes over him that, fuck, _he likes Buck,_ everything just sort of, clicks into place. 

The way he’s always had such a negative reaction whenever it’s even remotely seemed like a guy was flirting with Buck. The way he got so mad at the thought of Buck going on a date with Sam. How angry he was at the prospect of Buck introducing Sam to his son - _their_ son, because Christopher loves Buck like a dad, and Buck loves him right back. 

It all just makes so much sense. And while it’s a relief that Eddie isn’t actually a closet homophobe, the fact that he is in fact a closet queer is kind of making his catholic guilt rear its ugly head a little. Which. He can only deal with one thing at a time right now, so Jesus and the Pope are just gonna have to wait their turn. 

It’s more than a little annoying that he’s had this world altering revelation at work, where he has no time or space to process it. Because one minute he’s realising that yeah, maybe he’s actually a little bit in love with his best friend, then the next minute said best friend is walking towards him with an almost shy smile on his face. 

Eddie doesn’t even have time to comprehend the absolute avalanche of emotions he’s feeling. He just gives Buck a tight smile and, without making eye contact, hands Buck the coffee he made for him. 

A splash of creamer, no sugar.

***

Eddie is kind of impulsive. He knows this isn’t exactly news, that he has a string of terrible decisions behind him that prove he doesn’t think ahead before he does something stupid. But he thinks that, arguably, this is at least in his top 3 worst decisions. 

He’s standing outside Buck’s apartment, hand raised because he’s already knocked on the door. He hasn’t planned what he’s going to say, isn’t even entirely sure why he’s there in the first place. In fact, he considers just making a run for it and pretending it never happened. 

But then Buck is opening the door, shirtless with drops of water sliding down his bare chest, and like. Eddie’s brain just dissolves, or something. There’s absolutely no common sense to be found. 

Because he opens his mouth and says, “You should break up with Sam.”

Well. No going back now. 

Buck looks pretty dumbfounded and honestly, Eddie doesn’t blame him. If the roles were reversed and Buck had shown up at his door late at night, rambling about things that didn’t make sense, then Eddie would have been confused too. 

Buck stares at him for a second, then carefully raises a single eyebrow. He opens the door wider and steps back to give Eddie some room. 

“You should probably come in,” Buck says. 

Eddie follows him inside and closes the door behind himself. When he turns back around, Buck has just finished pulling a t-shirt over his head.

Eddie has mixed feelings about this, because now that he’s realised he is actually in love with Buck, he kind of doesn’t want to stop looking at him, can’t get over how beautiful he is and why it took Eddie so long to really notice. But also, shirtless Buck is definitely a distraction that Eddie can’t afford right now - not if he wants to get through this interaction without fucking up colossally. 

“What’s going on, Eddie?” Buck asks. 

He’s leaning back against the kitchen counters with his arms crossed over his chest. It’s not lost on Eddie that they’ve been in this same position a million times before, that most of their major conversations have taken place in this very kitchen. So he thinks it’s pretty fitting really, that they do this here. 

“I’ve probably seemed really weird these past few weeks,” Eddie says. 

Buck snorts. “Yeah, you can say that again.” 

Eddie nods because he knows it’s true. “And I’ve maybe been a bit of an ass.”

“Also true,” Buck admits, but he’s smirking so Eddie doesn’t think he’s really mad at him. 

“It’s just, things have been pretty strange for me. A lot of things have had me feeling confused, y’know?” Eddie explains. “But I’m not confused anymore.” 

As soon as the realisation had hit him, it was like everything cleared up in his mind. All the times he’d been jealous of someone else taking Buck’s time, all the times his heart had fallen from his chest when Buck was in danger, the ache of not speaking to him for months. It all just suddenly made sense. 

And like Eddie said, he’s impulsive. So he figures there’s no point in hanging around and waiting for the right time. 

“I’m in love with you.” 

Eddie’s confession hangs between them and silence hovers over them. Buck doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even move except for the way his eyes widen almost comically. Nothing feels funny about this situation though, especially as the silence stretches on and Buck just keeps staring at him. 

“Buck, did you-“

“Sorry, can you just run that by me again?” He eventually speaks. 

“I’m in love with you,” Eddie repeats, because it’s not like there’s any way to back out now. 

Buck opens his mouth like he’s going to speak, then closes it again. He unfolds his arms and tucks his hands in his pockets, takes them back out and folds them again. He shifts his weight from one leg to the other.

“And I know you’re dating Sam, and I know that this is crazy, but I-“

Eddie is suddenly interrupted by Buck’s lips on his. 

He’s in shock for a millisecond, then he’s grabbing at him, tangling his hands into Buck’s curls that are still wet from the shower, kissing him like he’s never gonna get the chance to again. 

Because maybe he won’t. Maybe Buck is doing this out of pity, or as an experiment, and while Eddie doubts he’d be so cruel, he can’t even bring himself to care right now. Not when Buck’s arms are sliding around his waist and pulling him flush to his chest, when he’s kissing Eddie like that’s what he was put on this earth to do. 

And if there had been a single shred of doubt in Eddie’s mind, well. It certainly would have been gone now. Because kissing Buck feels like flying, feels like floating, feels like coming home. It’s everything that he didn’t even know he’d been waiting for. 

So he pulls back, because he can’t keep doing this without knowing what’s going on. It might ruin him, otherwise. 

They’re both breathless, and Buck is smiling when Eddie rests his hands on his shoulders. He can’t help but grin back, because seeing Buck happy feels like his own happiness too. 

“I’m not dating Sam,” is the first thing that Buck says. 

“You’re not?” Eddie asks hopefully. 

Buck chuckles and shakes his head. “No.”

“Oh thank god,” Eddie sighs, letting his head drop forward to rest on Buck’s shoulder. 

It feels like a dream when Buck laughs, tilts his head to press a kiss to Eddie’s temple and tightens his arms around him. Eddie leans his weight on Buck, is too weak to pull away even though he knows he needs answers. 

Buck holds him up like he always does. 

“So, you love me, huh?” Buck says. 

And Eddie doesn’t have to look at him to know that he’s smirking. He raises a fist and lightly punches Buck in the chest. 

“Don’t be a dick,” Eddie says, his voice muffled from where his face is buried into Buck’s chest. 

It’s playful, but he kind of means it too. He doesn’t think he could take it if Buck was really laughing at him, not when he’s willingly being so vulnerable in front of him. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Buck says, running his hand through Eddie’s hair. “I love you too.” 

Eddie’s breath catches in his throat. He leans back to look at Buck but his eyes are already trained on Eddie, and he’s smiling so sweetly that it makes Eddie’s heart stutter in its cage. 

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, seeking confirmation. 

“Yes, my love,” Buck promises. 

Eddie kisses him again because he can, because he has to. They’re both smiling too much for it to really count as a kiss, but it’s perfect anyway. Everything with Buck is perfect. 

“You’re really not dating him?” Eddie double checks. 

Buck shakes his head, steals another kiss from Eddie before he replies. 

“When he came to the station and I saw him next to you, I just. I knew it would never work. Not when I’m so in love with you.”

As love confessions go, Eddie thinks it’s a pretty good one. 

“And he didn’t know your coffee order,” Eddie says, feeling an almost smug sense of satisfaction. 

Buck laughs and pulls back so he can look Eddie in the eye. 

“What?” He asks, chuckling. 

Eddie just shrugs. It’s not like it matters anyway, not now that they’re both exactly where they belong.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written buddie in forever but I’m back on my bs :)


End file.
